The Squeeze of the People-Please: (3 Ways to Start Saying No)

I remember it vividly. It was10 years ago. I was pulled over for speeding because I was trying to squeeze in a good deed that I really didn't have time to accomplish. As my 9 year-old took it all in, he glanced over at me and quickly quipped, "Bit off more than you chew, huh?" I was stunned. He was right. Indeed, I had said yes, when I should have said no.

Maybe you have had this moment, but you are experiencing it over and over...

You feel it in your chest. That tightness when someone asks for your help—again. You smile. You say yes. You mean well. But inside, something tenses. Not because you don’t care, but because you’re tired.

And still, you show up.

You rearrange your schedule. Push your needs down just a little deeper. Pretend it’s fine. Pretend you’re fine. Because saying no feels wrong. It feels selfish. Even though you’re overwhelmed by everyone else’s expectations.

That’s the squeeze.

The quiet pressure to always be the one who never disappoints. The one who keeps the peace. The one who holds everything together even when you feel like you’re falling apart inside. And maybe, just maybe, that falling apart is tied to perfectionism. The belief that if you’re not flawless, you’re failing. That if you don’t do everything perfectly for everyone, you’re not enough.

Maybe you’ve told yourself it’s just who you are. That you’re naturally giving and that saying yes is just part of being helpful. But deep down, there’s something more. What if you’re saying yes because you’re afraid? Afraid of disappointing others. Afraid of the conflict. Afraid that if you don’t put others first, they’ll think less of you.

Here’s the truth no one tells you: People-pleasing isn’t about kindness. It’s about trying to stay safe.

Somewhere along the way, you learned that your needs made things harder. You learned that asking for too much led to tension or disapproval. So, you learned to shrink yourself and your needs. You learned to keep the peace at the expense of your own peace.

But here’s the thing. The squeeze isn’t sustainable. Pleasing everyone else slowly chips away at who you are. Over time, it creates resentment. It leaves you drained, empty, and questioning your worth.

Here’s how to start changing it:

1. Pause before you answer. You don’t have to say yes immediately. Give yourself permission to take a moment before agreeing to anything. A simple “Let me check and get back to you” gives you space to consider your true feelings.

2. Say no without overexplaining. A “no” doesn’t need to come with a detailed explanation. Saying, “I can’t take that on right now” is enough. When you don’t overexplain, you’re giving yourself permission to set clear, healthy boundaries without guilt.

3. Start small. Begin by saying no in low-stakes situations. Practice with things that don’t carry as much emotional weight, so you can build the muscle to say no when it really matters.

Therapy is where the unraveling begins, in the best way. It’s where you can learn to ask the hard questions. It’s where you can stop performing and start being. Not perfect. Not polished. Just real.

You don’t have to earn your worth by being easy to love. You’re already worthy..needs, limits, and all.

If you’re tired of the pressure to please, therapy can help you reconnect with your voice, your needs, and your worth. We can go beneath the surface to see where this behavior is really coming from and how it started. You don’t have to do it alone.

Schedule your free introductory call with me, today, The Unbound Clarity Call.